About Me

....from the time we got married, we never did anything to prevent pregnancy, but weren't exactly trying either. After 2 years of this and still no baby, we went to the dreaded Dr. Suprise, you BOTH have fertilty issues. What? He has a kid already he can't have fertility issues. Yep, you both do. So we start testing an medication to fix the problem. We really couldn't afford it, but my dreams were beginning to crash around me and I felt this was the only way. Our bodies did exactly the opposite of what they are supposed to do on fertility medication. Dr kept saying we jsut have to get the dosage right and so we keep on for 6 months and still cannot afford it. Around about this time, I started hearing God tell me "Just trust me", "I do not need the help of man to answer your prayers". Well God....THEN WHY WON'T YOU ANSWER THEM? Yep, I was pretty angry, devestated, exhausted, crushed..you name it. I didn't want to have to "adopt" a baby because there is no way I can feel as strongly for a child that isn't mine. I know this God, remember I am a step-mother?..I love our kids with all my heart, but it's not the same. How can I LOVE?
Finally, money is so tight, I decide enough is enough. My husband and I practically hate each other by now and all of this stress does not exactly "help get you in the mood". SOOOO, I make the decision to toss our medications and put full trust in God. Have you ever been so relieved and stressed and scared at the same time that it literally made you sick, I was. This happens in February of 2007. We try to get back to a normal life. In March of 2007 we are looking at a foster/adoption program just for kicks and request an info packet. Not only do we get the packet, we get a phone call! It just so happens they have a certification class starting on April 1st, do we want to do it? Well, I guess so....We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into! April 1st, 2007, we start the class. We are going to be a foster to adopt family...that means they will give us a baby that they know will be up for adoption, right??? Not so much. We feel certain that God is leading us in this direction, afterall, we can't have a baby. End of April, 2 weeks before we finish our classes, I'm exahausted and needing a nap for some reason at 10am in the morning. So I take a random pregnancy test. Not really expecting anything, just need to use it up and get it out of my head. But wait, that's a PLUS sign. This test must be too old, and this is not funny. So I go to the Dr. to get a real test. Guess what? It was right, I'm going to have a baby! We are confident that we would have never traveled the foster care road had we been pregnant first, so God must have led us here for a reason, so we are going to continue on with our plan to foster/adopt...and have a baby! Afterall, I'm having morning sickness, but it will take several months before they have a foster baby for me. WRONG! Within 2 weeks of recieving our license, we had 3 calls for newborn babies. The 3rd one, my little Sunshine, starts a whole new journey...
We brougth Sunshine home from the hospital when she was 2 weeks old. For a week before that, I drove to the hospital every day and sat in the NICU to rock her. Will we get to adopt her? Who knows at this point.
Fast forward....November of 2007. I have J, Pickle, and little Sunshine, who is 5 1/2 months old, I'm due in 6 weeks with my first baby, little LA, AND MY MOM, DAD, SISTERS, AND BROTHERS are headed to AFRICA FOR 2 WEEKS! Are you kidding me? NO I am not. SO to speed things up, I ended up with severe Preeclampsia due to stress I think, had to be induced, only that didn't work, and ended up having a C-Section 6 weeks before my due date...4 days before my family left for Africa. LA was a healthy 3lb 10oz at birth, but praise God, he had absolutly NO complications! We camped out in the hospital for 2 weeks until he reached 4 lbs, and then got to come home the day before Thanksgiving 2007. I spent my 3rd anniversary in the hospital with my little LA. We go home and I begin my busy Mommy routine. In MArch of 2008, we began the fight of our lives to adopt our Sunshine. Everything that is not likely to happen, happened. God saw fit to answer our prayers and after a long, long battle, we adopted Keyana in November of 2009...on our 5th wedding anniversary...ok God, that makes up for having to spend the 3rd one in the hospital, Thanks! But, back-up a minute....once we were pretty sure the adoption of Sunshine would happen, we decided to become a group home. Again, we had a conversation andleft thinking this was something we would do in the next 6 months. In 2 weeks we went from 4 kids to 7 kids. That's right, KK,KZ, & Little J moved in on July 15th 2009. Their biological mom was preg, but under no circumstances was I going to take in another baby, Babies slow me down way too much! So on Sept 28th, 2009, Their newborn baby brother moved in with us. In Nov of 2009, we decided we would adopt all 4 of these siblings and back out of foster care....not so easy. We have recently adopted (4/2010) kk, kz, and little J-HOWEVER- Littlest J has a different father and is still in foster care at our home. That makes 8 kids in our house! God has been so good to see us through. He has been faithful in providing for us, we have never missed a bill and our kids have always been fed. There are times that if you put pencil to paper, it might not work out, BUT GOD HAS TAKEN CARE OF US!

And now back to the question of HOW CAN I LOVE A CHILD THAT IS NOT MINE? The answer?: I have learned that I love all of my kids the same, I would lay down my life for any of them. I was confusing love with bonds. A mother bonds with each of her kids in a different special way. Your oldest child will always be the oldest and your baby will always be your baby.... God has heard my fears and proven me wrong! The most prominent example I can give is this: I have a bond with my Sunshine that runs deeper than the bond I have with my bio LA. Why? Because I had to fight for her, had to protect her in way that most people don't. That doesn't mean that I love the others less, I have a special "place" with each of them and those are moments that only me and that particular child get to have. What makes them special? It's like a secret you share that no one else knows about, You can both go there, you can have mother/daughter time or mother/son time in room full of crowded people because we are all bound by the BOND OF LOVE!